Welcome to EVchan

3.30.24/6:49PM BF IS FINALLY HERE ALL IS WELL I AM SO HAPPY I LOVE MY BF SM

3.24.24/1:04PM good afternoon.. I’ve been working on my room, my bf is coming Wednesday. very very excited i wanna make sure hes comfortable and feels relaxed. i had some extra time so i tried half-twintails on my hair again, i followed a tutorial so it looks good, ill do it again in the future. my face does look better when my hair is up... or half up.. but its hard for me to do since ive never rlly done hairstyles or i never had any done on me. anyways, finished frieren. I want to catch up on witch hat atelier, made in abyss, and dungeon meshi. I also remembered how much I loved berserk. Esp the movie style animation. I’m so hungry today I don’t know why, I’ve eaten more than I usually do but the feeling won’t go away... ugh

3.22.24/4:09PM gm blog the weather is very nice today. bf is coming here soon, very excited i wanna go see the cherry blossoms w him. i ordered him icecream yestrerday i hope it made him happy. im waiting for secret honey to release their short sleeved set-ups... its getting warm i only have long sleeved stuff!!! i rlly only buy jirai stuff cuz its so easy to wear, like uniform. theres lots of ways id wanna dress but anyways. i want pastries and juice

3.21.24/5:21PM 辛い

3.20.24/7:29PM im only posting this cuz bf beggedddddddd me to. ive been tired since i woke up. feeling very slow and heavy today, it feels like there's a dark cloud hanging over me woohoo. no one has said anything but i feel like my family wishes me dead. even if they're not telling me to do anything just seeing a notification from them is a reminder that im being watched. i know im a disappointment, theyre so curious in what i do because i barely do anything. i prob just need to go outside i wanna eat something fun or sweet but i think thats not very appropriate considering what ive been doing booo

3.20.24/7:04PM

3.19.24/2:56PM bf coming here soon everyday i wait patiently like a dog woof

3.18.24/2:47PM

3.16.24/11:15PM i finished up frieren, i like serie's outfit design and land alot. he reminds me of my bf. everyday im so happy to be with someone as lovely as him, he's coming here soon. im gonna spoil him alot for all his hard work. im a couple chapters behind witch hat atelier, i wanna catch up w it. i bought a bunch of new soaps and detergents today, i want my stuff (esp bed) to smell good so my bf is comfy. watching frieren inspired me to work on my elden ring build more, i unlocked glintblade phalax- one of the spells i was aiming for. waiting on bf rn, either hes busy or fell back asleep. i will wait

3.15.24/11:04PM BF COMING SOON YAY I LOVE MY BF CHUUU

3.13.24/10:44PM my milk expires today i am so awake

3.12.24/3:11AM dune was good as expected of denis villeneuve. paul was getting glazed soo hard, very funny. i feel so fried and unproductive even tho i am working. i can tell im very burnt out, ive been drawing for too long. looking at my current art vs old art makes me sad. maybe because im drawing with the intention of catering to others. my current art is so low effort and souless

3.12.24/12:47AM bf sleeping very sad working on keychains and watching dune pt2

3.11.24/4:02PM im actually so annoying. worked on keychains i hate them but the thought of redoing them is so tiring rn i feel rlly fried my head hurts. i did nothing today. i wanna work on my artstyle cuz this is not it. i draw like a middleschooler

3.11.24/12:22AM worked on my keychains and watched nana, im on ep 12. this is my second time watching i barely remember anything, been meaning to rewatch. keychains are kinda done,, just need to finalize. will prob do w fresh eyes tomorrow, im soo fried im dizzy my ass hurts from sitting. kindaaa waiting for bf to wake up even tho im tired.....

3.10.24/7:05PM Happy day blog. Friend has been staying over very fun it’s given me some initiative to work on my room. Got more blankets and pillows (my bed is sooooo fkuffy now..), things to prepare for when bf comes over… very very excited. Got rid of 70% of my clothes. ANYWAYS!! For my birthday i went to a cute cafe.... the jelly was very yummy. took some pictures... very thankful for all the kind people around me. what would i do without themm. my friends and bf uwahhhh... called bf the next day whoaa hes coming here soon yayyy. he went to sleep, friends came over, met new ppl. i need to talk w more ppl so i quit freezing up lol urrghhhhh anywayssss,, watching nana now, will work on merch later. i have lots i could say but dont feel like rambling too much rn

3.4.24/2:19AM I woke up and I feel really cold and uncomfortable and sick. The skin on my face feels cakey and dry and I feel like I’m gonna throw up. I want everyone but my bf to leave me alone but I can’t even treat him right so idk. Why do so many people make assumptions about me? What part of me makes people think they know anything about me, and why does everyone assume I’m similar to them? Their comparison of me to them is offensive to both of us. I don’t think anyone rlly believes in me, I’m only considered bc I’m looked down upon or pitied. Ofc then I’d rather not be thought of at all. If I don’t apologize for everything I do then I’ll really be disliked. My “consideration” of others is based on my own selfish assumption. I’ve gotten too complacent treating myself nicely. When I’m comforted it enables my behavior. I think my ignorance in allowing myself to believe that things are well is offensive to those around me. since when did I become so bothered? It’s like I’ve completely regressed in the year I’ve been here. I don’t want to make excuses anymore I feel like I’m on my last chance. Of course the only thing I can think of doing rn is just shutting up. I wonder if writing here is just as bad as saying it. I don’t wanna enable myself anymore, but i feel like if I don’t admit and take accountability for my actions then it’s inconsiderate to others. But the more I do the more irritated people seem. I don’t feel it’s right for me to just change and be ignorant to how they may feel. I don’t want to ruin things but I don’t want other ppl to think I don’t feel any remorse for my behavior. I feel like I need to apologize. I want things to be okay what do i do

3.4.24/1:47AM I felt like one of those animals gaining consciousness looking at myself in the camera realizing how i

3.2.24/10:06PM lord have mercy yall he was sleeping. i thought he went and seriosuly hurt himself. he was gone for longer than i expected and had turned his location off ughhh. buts hes okay so its ok. i was so worried and was overthinking all day AGHHH. well anyways. i finished my shapekeys, i need to re-weight my model. i had some trouble w unity. ill do it tomorrow. im too tired for today hawawawa my stomach hurts

3.1.24/5:17PM lovely day. extreamly worried ab bf threw up i cant get any work done cuz i cant breathe or sit still. my stomach rlly hurts my housemates laughing at me cuz my eyes were puffy and they said i looked "tired". i didnt say anything back but lorddd... these ppl get on my nerves. i just want everyone to leave me alone, except my bf. anyways hair appointment on the 6th.. 1:00 pm

3.1.24/11:45PM gm, i cant see. my eyes r so swollen i can only half open them but holy aegyo sal namida bukuro. this what the girls get plastic surgery for. i also threw up everywhere and got in trouble for being loud LMFAOOOO idk thats so funny to me. yall i have not thrown up since elementray school,, weird feeling. urrghh anyways i wont ramble ab that.. bf tried to break up w me yikesss worst nightmare ive been inconsiderate for a while. i brought alot of it onto myself,,uwawa private stuff i wont share here. i really will be better from now on. to maybe help both of us- productivity i will do something!!things to do today.. i made a paypal ac to buy lolita dress/ to earn revenue from personal stuff but either i fucked up or i need to look into it more. if im not able to get my dress i will be very disappointed but oh well. my wardrobe sucks and i only have weird clothes that arent appropriate anyways. idk if i should be adding to that.. but i wanna wear diff things sooo.. also i have 0 summer clothes, i didnt care before bc i never went anywhere. finish 3d model, either today is gonna be finish shapekey day or finish everything day. job stuff, either figure out my personal stuff rn (i do need to work on merch asap), or continue to look into part time stuff. i think its best if i get my personal stuff ready and out the way, then if i have free time ill get some random part time job and earn a bit more money. i think ill make alot more off merch so ill prioritize that, stream it too. i need to talk to my dad ab stuff but holy shit he sucks at responding. i need to make my hair appointment but my mom wont give me the information for my account...ughh HAPPY LOVELY DAY LOVELY DAY BECAUSE I HAVE LOVELY BF IN MY LIFE EVERYTHING WILL BE OK BC BF IS HERE IN MY LIFE

3.1.24/8:19PM I had a fun day today. I went out for the first time in a while-got to see Joeyy sleeping. I talked w a couple of ppl, drew him, left flowers, stuff w his personal assistant.. I made friends w my friends friend and her friend. Both of them r rlly fashionable and cool- from Barcelona and Berlin. My friend thought Berlin and Belgium were the same thing bruh… went shopping w them and bro took off his jacket GUESS WHAT HE WAS WEARING. BLADEE SHIRT i was like yoooo and we talked ab music a lot and went to a record store. he showed me some merch he was tryna cop and u already know I had to seize the opportunity and mention how my bf has a buncha merch (or used to..idk oops lol..) HAD TO FLEX MY SUPER COOL BF AND HOW WE MET AT DRAIN GANG CONCERT AND HOW COOL HE IS WHOAAAA MY BF IS SUPER COOL. We talked ab fashion too, and he was rlly kind. I’m used to ppl being a bit condescending w me-highkey get it cuz I’m a bit slow but everyone today!!! So kind and they were actually listening to me!!!! One of the girls even said she will see me soon..Wowwowww whattt me when I actually try talking to ppl and have positive interactions .. wow wow.. anyways I ate udon in harajuku w them. The chikuwa was good- it had seaweed in it. I’m home now, I ate some biscuits and I’ll either sleep or work on my model. I’m p happy with how my model is coming along despite cutting corners. I was a bit worried about the rigging but I forget I had voxel heat diffuse skinning add-on so I tweaked w that to make the process easier. Now I just gotta make shape keys.. it’s fun to pose the model tho so it’s fine. I reached out to some of my top subs recently and talked w them, I was worried they would be upset over my absence bc they’re still subbed but they were all just happy to see me.. uwahh… so sweet. On the topic of getting stuff done, my bf seems to be feeling overwhelmed. I feel rlly bad, I haven’t been the most supportive. I’ve said some things that he didn’t like recently. Not to mention I also tend to be inconsiderate to how he may feel when he first wakes up. I’m selfish and get too ahead of myself I need to work on it. Seems like he wants space so ofc I’ll respect it. I’m afraid he’s starting to resent me and he said some worrying things, but no matter what he does I’ll understand. It seems I might’ve made him realize he deserves better. Talking with people today also made me think ab how weird I am lol.. people are so nice to me for what. I hope everyone around me is able to meet others who make them feel fulfilled.

3.1.24/1:10AM ive been 3d modeling and playing elden ring alot these days. im almost done w my 3d model, i havent gotten very far in elden ring but i enjoy it ig, i wish i could progress faster tho.